All the Days of my Life

Not too many songs can make me cry, but David Bowie's "Days" does (Bet you werent' expecting that lol). Such a simple song that I used to hear play on slow nights working at The Home Depot. To me, it's such a sad song, yet happy at the same time. It takes me back to the first day I can remember being conscious of what was going on in the world and up to the present. The struggles, the hard times, the deaths of friends and loved ones, and those special, brief moments in my life where I felt so happy it seemed euphoric. There are so many times I should have probably have passed away and yet I'm still here. Bullets missing me by feet, hitting trees on both sides of me from a drive by shooting, while I was on recess just being a kid in South Texas...only 6 years old. I realized, at that point in time, that the world wasn't what I thought it was and the word "evil" was put into an understandable perspective. I've had numerous other close calls as well since then.

I couldn't remember the time I cried prior to the May 4th weekend, now it seems like a regular thing for me since then. The May 4th Chapter in the Storms of 2007 DVD, will make me lose it every time that song starts playing. That night changed me as a chaser and as a human being. I still can't imagine what those residents still go through to this day and it angers me that people in power are doing so little for them.

The night of May 4th, for months and months, brought mental torture upon myself and a roller coaster ride full of emotions. I couldn't sleep thinking about what more I could have done, then slept all of the time not wanting to remember any of it. Nightmares almost nightly, the same one over and over. I had to seek professional help over it, and it has helped me out quite a bit since then. Talking about it has helped me, with those who are willing to listen. Not a day passes, that I don't think about that night while I'm driving on the highway or out running to school. I have gone over it in my head about 10,000 times, and the only thing I wished more of...was being more prepared for a situation like that. All storm chasers, should be, it's something I never really even thought much about, and wished I would have.

I was always reluctant and swore I'd never report to the NWS ever again after one meteorologist publically bashed chasers in the newspapers, and another "questioned" fellow chasers reports because he/she was on the same storm. Not reporting even hail, isn't an option for me any more. Most NWS mets are professional, courteous and welcome reports. Even if they were skeptical, rude, or hung up the phone on me, I'd still report it.

I've become almost obsessed with becoming a better person each day I wake up and helping others more than I have. The night of May 4th played a big role, but since May of 2006, it has been a personal goal. I used to be completely different, those who have known me over the years, know I was the opposite. I'm glad I've recognized the things that matter most to me in this life, my wrongdoings to those I am close to...although late, and am thankful I am allowed to breathe in this world for as long as I have. My life has been covered with pain and regret, and for the last couple of years, I don't regret anything I've ever done, it's all made me empathize with situations and people, and it has sent me on a quest to become the person I should be.

Storm chasing helped spark this obsession and it's a prime example of why I enjoy those relaxing summer days. Days most would never chase, when weak thunderstorms evolve, and I'm alone in a field, not a soul in sight for miles and miles. It's something that keeps my mental health up to par when things are going well or not going so well. I'd be ok without chasing, it's just something I rather do than other hobbies I guess. Nothing beats those solo days where you just sit in the same spot for an hour or two, and watch the life cycle of a thunderstorm.

I drive by soccer moms and business people day in and day out, people always in a hurry to do something in the metro, and wonder if they've ever witnessed how beautiful mother nature can be. Sometimes it seems so magical on those peaceful mammatus sunsets evenings, loaded with constant anvil crawlers, cg's and a tint the rain leaves on landscapes, enchancing those Western Kansas golden wheatfields in June. They'll probably never get to see breathtaking structure like May 22nd of last year, or even a tornado, and I'm sure a town being destroyed in their own home state was forgotten shortly after they heard about it.

Funny how just a simple David Bowie song on a Sunday morning, can make myself remember everything, even memories I'd had temporarily forgotten...and make me appreciate the little things in life or even the things I do not care for.

I long for that annual spring smell I've sometimes awoken to on a rainy, overcast April morning. That smell..derived from an MCS that has just trekked over 250 miles... on it's nonstop journey overnight, only to surrender to inhibition, as the sun rises. It's just around the corner.